Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">SKILL IN ACTION</span>

Quest for Maleness:

By Adam Hazelwood, April 23, 2016


I was serving my children dinner. My 14 and 12 year old sons came into the kitchen arguing (as they often do). It got physical and I asked them to stop. My 14 year old then shoved his younger brother against the wall sending his food on to the floor. I immediately jumped in between them to keep them apart.

Then it hit me! Rage, a pure and visceral boiling of my blood - and it stayed with me for 15 minutes.

I rode out the emotion and immediately questioned from where this came. Was it the wasted food, my wasted time, the fact that my requests for calm were ignored, the lack of respect? What was really making me so angry….?

Instead of shouting and yelling, I merely stated that I was feeling massive anger about the situation, and that I needed to sit with these feelings.

We ate in silence.

Then I realised that the reason I was angry was because when I was a child, if I had done this, I would have been beaten and punished in the most brutal way. It was my association and reaction to this fact that caused me to become so angry, not the actual event, which, although severe, did not warrant my intense reaction.

Later I sat the boys down and explained why their behaviour was not appropriate and that they owed me and each other an apology, most importantly to learn from this and not to repeat the mistake.

We learn about ourselves by feeling our feelings, at the same time remembering myth one :-

“men don’t cry”

We take action – a man cannot be impotent; we can find the harmony through conflict, confrontation.

Warm regards, 

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