All of life is a system of games. Some games just require more carefully-defined rules than others.

People often look at me with big tearful eyes and ask what they should do to make their relationships work. I always give the same answer, which is simplicity itself: "If you want to enjoy any game and not get disqualified halfway through, then stick to the rules of the game!" Relationships are no different to any other game and the rules for playing this game are very clearly defined. Yet, people are always so amazed, so indignant and so hurt when they get disqualified from the game for having ignored the rules! How's that for logic? But what is even worse is the fact that most people are such terrible spoilsports. Always insisting on wanting only to win, they take all the fun out of life because they want you to lose just so that they can win.

What then of the rules? I am purposely not going to explain these at length. Why? Because I'm not a spoilsport! Half the fun of playing the game of relationships is to find out through your own experience what these rules actually mean to you as an individual. None of us are the same - except possibly in stupidity! We are all unique, we all have our own specific value and therefore our own particular style of playing the game of life. That style is your personal signature - the mark you make upon the world and the mark by which you will be remembered. Some signatures are truly beautiful works of art. Some are strikingly neat and clear. Some look like a spider walked through an ink blotch. Some look like ......I don't know what! Some are just plain ugly. But far too many are so very childish - the mark of gross immaturity. You must decide for yourself what your mark upon the world will be - what you would like it to be.

Here then, are the rules for playing the game of relationships, which is but the game of life itself. If you study these rules you will find that I have already given you everything you need to know about how to use these rules. If you use them, they will generate experience, and that experience will be your experience, your knowledge and therefore also your power. So study them, use them and above all, don't forget to have fun! People are so serious about wanting to win that they forget to have fun. It is therefore hardly surprising that they end up being old before their time, become senile and consequently resort to childish behaviour!



Taking responsibility for having this person in your life.

It takes two to tango, so stop trying to play the blame game. See your own role in, and your own contribution to, what is happening in your relationship (romantic, professional, etc.)



Don't treat the others in your life any differently than you would a stranger.

Familiarity has a dreadful habit of breeding contempt! Therefore treat your spouse as you would a stranger; also your boss, your kids, your family and your friends. Always treat others politely and with respect, even if you have known them ever since pa fell off the bus.



Accept yourself for who and what you are.

Acknowledge your shortcomings to yourself and remember that they are your passage to power and your ticket to freedom. Therefore stop trying to pretend you are not your potential. Instead of continuously justifying your behaviour, learn to listen. Most important of all, learn to listen to your heart, your feelings.



Always look for the positive; Focus on the positive.

Start giving yourself and those around you credit for what you and they are doing right. It is so easy to criticise, to break down, to point out failure. But how often do you praise either yourself or others for a job well done? We all need a pat on the head from time to time to keep believing in ourselves - even you!



Acknowledge gender according to its proper potential.

If you are a man, then treat the women in your life as females and not as your mother. If you are a woman, then treat the men in your life as males and not as little boys.



Compress time.

Learn not to waste time through indulging in your behaviour. Instead, learn to communicate effectively by being open, honest and ruthless. Don't assume that others can smell what you are silently stewing or fuming about.



Believe in yourself and others.

Stop believing that everyone is out to get you. Practise the mirror concept and therefore acknowledge that others are there to help us and not to victimise us!



Make allowances for the differences between males and females.



Laugh! Life is fun!

Learn to see your own actions, physical, emotional or mental, as well as those of others, for what they really are, namely, folly. If you do, you will find yourself laughing a great deal more than crying. People are really very funny creatures, and that includes you!



Keep a journal.

Life is the most important journey you will ever undertake, and every important journey should be carefully logged in a journal. If you do that, you will be surprised at how much you learn about yourself, about others and about life in general. Record everything, even your feelings, emotions, thoughts, dreams and, of course, the date. Dates tend to reveal patterns, like for example, feeling morose around Christmas time, or feeling happy in spring, etc. But the most important thing about keeping a journal is that, by writing everything down, you actually commit yourself to your decisions and therefore you start taking responsibility for your own life.