Our relationships are always a reflection, a mirror, of our relationship with ourselves. Remember that always. Therefore if we want to be happy, we must first establish a good relationship with ourselves, and through that, become a whole person who is self-sufficient, self-reliant, self-contained and consequently also self-contented. How can anyone ever hope to have a successful marriage if either that person, or his or her partner, or both, are incomplete in themselves? It is simply not possible to have a good relationship with only half a person!

However, notwithstanding this, remember too that we cannot see ourselves for what we really are without a mirror, or several mirrors. Of all the mirrors we need, the most important of all is the mirror which most closely reflects for us our own inner counterpart. This does not necessarily mean that everyone must get married, but it does mean that all of us do need to have a close relationship with someone of the opposite sex, irrespective of whether this is your spouse, a family member, friend, or your boss at work.

To have a close relationship does not mean that you must have a sexual relationship with that person. It simply means that it must be a relationship based upon the principles of intelligent co-operation. In this respect it is wise to bear in mind that most relationships nowadays are based not upon intelligent co-operation, but upon animal lust. Animal lust is great! But we cannot learn too much about ourselves behaving like bucking broncos all day long. To buck away is hugely enjoyable for as long as it takes, but regardless of how much you want to impress others with your bragging, you are still going to have to cope with your lack of happiness afterwards.

Commit yourself to being happy and you will find that in no time at all life will be taking on a very different meaning, a far more enjoyable meaning than it had before. The reason for this is that, like with any commitment, if you are committed, you will also want to show it to the rest of the world. It is quite as simple as that. When you commit to marriage, you are proud to show the whole world your wedding ring, and so it should be with your commitment to happiness, to life and to yourself. None of us have a guarantee on life, or on what life holds in store for us, but one thing we can be certain of is our commitment to ourselves to be happy, "for better or for worse". And so too should it be with our lives and with our relationships within that life.

"For better or for worse", we all have the ability and the right to choose where we are going to place the focus. We place that focus either on, "Life is a bitch, and so is everyone in it"; or we place the focus on, "All the experiences in my life are so many richnesses which I harvest with love and with joy, because each and every one of them yields happiness through the medium of knowledge."

Only once you have embraced your sadness fully and have cried all of your tears can you know the full meaning of real happiness. If we did not have night, how could you ever know the difference between day and night? Likewise, if you have never experienced both success and failure, how could you ever know what it is to be successful, to be happy?

I think you are a truly great person! I don't care if you think you are the very worst person under the sun, and no matter what you have allowed yourself to become. All of that baggage you have buried yourself under is simply behaviour, and behaviour can be changed at any time you choose to do so. I think you are great because you are my mirror! Even if your behaviour stinks, I know I am no better and no worse than you are. Perhaps you are for me an old mirror, but unless I have been there, unless I have been where you are at now, how could I love you? I love you simply because you are me, and I am you, and together we are all units of the one life. Behaviour is one thing and we do not need to accept or to love someone's behaviour. But potential is something else, something precious, valuable, and in each and every case, unique and irreplaceable. I love you for that!

All of life is merely a system of relationships and if you look very carefully you will see that every relationship, regardless of what type it is, is an investment - an investment in yourself! I personally will not invest in anything unless I believe that it is going to be a good investment, that is, one with good dividends. But once I have invested in something, I am also fully committed to my investment, come hell or high water. As a result, when I look at my life, I know that I must have believed this life to be worthwhile as an investment, otherwise I must assume I was pretty dumb! If it is a good investment, then "for better or for worse", I choose to remain fully committed to my investment, to my life and to you. For me personally, it is more pleasurable that way, besides which, I love it, for it is such good fun! For me happiness means having fun, and I have always had fun, even in the saddest moments of my life, and even when the wheels have come off so badly that I was doubtful I would ever find them again. But sad moments come to pass, and the wheels can always again be found. And so the journey goes on - the Journey of Adjustment!

For me the only thing that really matters is that I am real, and that you are real, because then life too is real. This, after all, is the only password we need in order to access life, in order to access happiness. So, if there is a final rule for handling life, for handling relationships, and which sums up all of the others in a nutshell, it is the rule:




As Captain Life warns us all, not to have that required password, or to try and avoid finding it through life's experience, is to forfeit our lives in one way or another. Some people die physically. Some die emotionally. Some die mentally. Some just die somewhere inside, in that the spark has gone from their lives, from their eyes and from their hearts. These are the walking dead who are never real, but who are like so many phantoms passing through our lives. I see these phantoms, and yet it is not possible to have a relationship with a passing shadow. In order to have a relationship, it must be with a being who has substance, flesh, bones and, above all, a heart! In other words, to have a relationship with someone means that that person must be real. Nothing else matters, for it can all be changed during the Journey of Adjustment.