The model of the “weak father”: a father who is either plain weak as a male - or pretends to be weak.

I touched upon the subject of Parents as Role Models in a previous posting.

More specifically I elaborated on the model of the “weak father”, a father who is either plain weak as a male – or pretends to be weak!! And I proceeded to examine the effects such a father has upon his son(s).

The boy(s) will manifest three distinct forms of behaviour and in the previous article I shared about the first form of behaviour: the sense of being disillusioned by life.

Today I’ll share about the second distinct form of behaviour: a sense of being disappointed in general.

In my personal experience, this second distinct form of behaviour is not only about a constant sense of feeling disappointed by life but, at the same time, it is also about a constant fear that “if I participate fully in life, somehow, something will happen – and I shall end up regretting it!”

The patterns that I developed and that originate in that fear are quite a few. For the purposes of a space as short as this, I’ll briefly touch upon two such patterns.

From a very early age, the first pattern I developed was an emotional evasiveness in my approach to life.

This particular emotional evasiveness has been proportional to how “good” life was for me. The better things seemed to be, the more emotionally evasive I became!! Why? Because it just had to be “too good to be true”, didn’t it?!

And if things turned out “bad”, well… that was just life as usual, wasn’t it? LOL.

One of the ways I clearly remember this emotional evasiveness playing out was when I was seven years old. I decided to abandon the natural propensity all children have to make friends everywhere they go and instead chose my own company over mixing and mingling with other kids! In places like playgrounds I’d prefer my solitude.

As I was growing up, this fear of being disappointed by others acquired serious proportions. Whenever I faced the prospect of coming across a totally new environment, I’d indulge in daydreams of being rejected by people I hadn’t even met!

When I rationalised about it, I told myself that I was being cautious. And one cannot be too cautious, right? Whenever I was not rationalizing, I’d be inventing “ghosts” and all sorts of “spooks” (illusions) that served as a preventive mechanism from engaging other people and creating real-life relationships.

The second pattern I’d like to touch upon briefly is that I developed a tendency towards a total lack of commitment. Irrespective of whether it’d be about a commitment in a relationship or in an ideal or in a project, I’d avoid the very concept of commitment like the plague! And as the years went by, I even developed theories about “who needs other people, right?” Cheers! (Actually, the “cheers” part became a third pattern by itself, evolving around alcohol, but that’s another story, LOL.)

Now, there is also a third distinct form of behaviour a boy with a weak father will manifest: that of suppressed sexuality. However, do not expect to read about that here! For this and for many, many other issues, you’ll have to join us in the Quest For Maleness workshop!

Sotirios Galanopoulos
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